and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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