I just made out with a guy for $7.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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