If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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