He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
