i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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