I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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