I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
