ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
