that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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