i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Your penis caused this!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
