in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
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