you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
