i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
