just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
