I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
