I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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