he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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