somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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