you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
