If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
