i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
