so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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