It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
