i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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