Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Randomize
