She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
