haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
