dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
