she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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