Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
