Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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