Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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