wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
