my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
