I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
