Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
