I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
