just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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