i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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