My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
