New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
