Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
