shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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