He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
