I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
