Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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