Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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