the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
