I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
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