I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
