Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
