well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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