Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
